valentines day
by sweetsmeet
Summary: Yet another valentines day has arrived at skool, and Dib is dreading it. What happens when he's late for skool and needs the help of a certain green-skinned boy to let him in? zadr one-shot


Dib always hated valtnetines day. Always had and always will; the happy couples holding hands in the halls at skool, the many lockers decorated with flowers and hearts, people handing out raw hamburger to their significant others, he hated the whole shebang.

This year's valentimes day he was dreading far more than any previous years, for one reason in particular. A few months ago, his former arch-nemesis, a tiny green alien named zim hell-bent on obliterating all life on earth, had cancelled all plans for world domination. From what dib could decipher with the help of his spy cameras painstakingly placed throughout zims base that he watched 16 hours a day, it was something about zims leaders banishing him to earth. Dib should have been overjoyed, but ever since the news of this, he's noticed unsettling changes in the green space boy. He'd gotten slightly calmer, actually holding decent conversation with Dib once in a while. Zim's apparel had changed as well; he now sported jet-black tripp pants with all the buckles and belts of a kingdom hearts oc, a vast array of brightly colored silly bands, a neon pink sKIN TIGHT tank top with fishnet running from his hips to his boobies, and his wig was now side-parted and straightened so it was covering one eye.

God, how dib hated this stupid holiday.

He couldn't help himself; he was done denying what he wanted. Dib longed to encircle his arms around the tiny aliens fragile, starved-african-child-like frame and pull him into a deep embrace while they rubbed their wieners together like the rest of the students did with their boyfriends and girlfriends, but he knew the cold-squeedilyspooch'd (-authors note—get it/? Cold-hearted but irkens don't HAV HEARTS! xdddDDDD-) alien would never retutn the feelings. All dib could do was pine and want and yearn for the affection from zim that would surely never come.

Dib wasn't normally one to sleep past his alarm, but he had spent the entire night in preparation of the impending letdown that would be valentines day, listening to linkin park and downing four costco bags of godiva.

"Shit," he groggily mumbled, blinking blood-shot eyes and untangling himself from his mass of blankets and tear-stained tissues as he heaved himself out of bed. He had missed the first twenty minutes of school; his father would really let him have it when he came home next December. He threw on his trademark black trench coat and stripper boots, scampering towards the door, not bothering to make breakfast or get ready properly.

He bolted to school, taking the shortcut through the garbage dump and losing a boot and two toes to a three-foot deep sinkhole full of rusted butcher knives. He made it t osckoool panting and heaving, blood oozing from his toe stumps.

He was nearly at the doors when he realized that he had now missed all of first period."Fuck," he muttered, his brain conceiving a possible way to worm his way into skool without the security cameras and metal detectors noticing his presence. If he could perhaps avoid them, maybe no one would notice he hadn't missed his home ec. class! Maybe he could pay gaz off to help back him up! He stumbled around the side of the building looking for his means of entrance, his brain frantically running in overdrive. Finally, he found it; the men's restroom window, half-way propped open to boot. Although he had grown slightly over the years, the window was much too high to simply heave himself up into; he lugged over a stray trash can to give him a boost, only succeeding in injuring himself further.

He NEEDED a way into skool, and it was clear that he required help from someone on the inside. "Hmm.. I could always… fuck, no, I can't… not on….. THIS DAY." He muttered to himself. The only person whose number he had was, as luck would have it, zim's. "I am NOT calling that FILTHY ALIEN SCUM to help me break into a bathroom!" He shouted at the top of his lungs. The two had gotten along better as of recently, but he didn't even want to _see_ zim today, much less talk to him; he looked at his watch. 8:50. "OH FUCK ME" he screeched; he had only ten minutes til second hour. He reached into his pocket and firmly grasped his phone. The smell of meat valentines was thick in the air. He flipped it open and went into his contacts. A discarded breakfast sausage fell out of a second story classroom. He couldn't do this…he… he HAD TO DO THIS.

The phone rang. And rang. And rang.

He was about to flip it closed and opt for the ventilation system entrance near the dumpster when a familiar voice came through on the other end, a voice with the familiar, intoxicating ring of a seventy-year old chain smoker.

"NO" yelled zim from the other end.

"Zim, wait! Don't hang up!" Dib pleaded, hoping that the alien was still on the line. "What do you want, filthy dib-creature?" Zim muttered, the sound of chattering students recognizable in the background. "Zim is heading for biology class and I do not have time for your INSIGNIFICANT RETCHED VOICE," the alien shouted. "Just…just hear me out!" Dib needed to be quick; this was his only option unless he wanted to crawl through miles of air duct system again. "Look, I need you to come to the men's restroom on the first floor, the one in D-hall. I'm…fuck, I overslept and I need a way in could you please come help me!" He rushed his words into the phone, panting out of breath. "HAHA, stupid dib-worm. Zim did not even notice your absence in first hour! You are lucky, filth beast, I have no interest in my next class. I will be there soon." "A-alright zim, uh, thanks.." Dib squeaked out, but zim had already hung up. The whole conversation had made dib's heart spring up into his throat and his stomach coil uncomfortably; zim's voice had strange effects on the human, playing tricks on his mind and agitating his wiener.

He sat on the grass, awaiting the help of zim. He couldn't believe it – zim was helping him, actually helping him! Maybe this valentines day wouldn't be too bad after-all…No, he couldn't give himself false hope, zim did say that he didn't even notice his absence in class. Dib knew what would happen; zim would arrive, haul him unceremoniously through the window with his... oh god, his thick, long, glossy PAK tentacles, and then be on his way to class. Shit, why even think about it? It just made him that much more depressed. Luckily, before the boy could dwell on his rescue much longer, he heard a tantalizing voice coming from the window above him. "HEY UGLY" Dib perked up immediately, heaving himself off the ground. "Zim! Boy, am I glad to see you!" "SHUT UP DIB YOU FAGGOT." Dib had no reply. Zim pried the window open a little more, lifting himself up onto the ledge and extending a PAK leg. He swung the leg down toward the other boy, but Dib was much too mesmerized with the way zims ass cheeks clung to the window ledge, like two waterballoons in saran wrap, and the metal appendage landed with a thud on Dib's un-injured leg. "Shit!" He cried out, pulling the heavy rod off his limb. "HURRY UP, MOTHER OF IRK YOU'RE SLOW" Zim shouted, offering words of encouragement to the human.

Dib grasped the leg firmly with both hands, wondering briefly is zim's wiener was as thick as the hefty metal limb. He shook his head, attempting to purge it of those thoughts. 'Not now… Zim's helping me and this is all I can think about? I don't deserve him, he's so…perfect and I'm…fuck, I'm nowhere near his level.' Dib thought, distracted. Zim briefly brushed against him as Dib clambered through the window, the alien's hip momentarily brushing against Dib's left nipple. The contact sent waves of electricity down his spine and he let out a soft gasp before Zim retracted his PAK leg and let Dib fall six feet onto the stained concrete flooring. "Ugh, fuck," Dib mumbled, gathering himself and rubbing his ass in pain. "Think you could be a little more careful next- " he was cut off from his smart remark with Zim's pale green face mere inches from his. Dib's breath hitched in his throat and his pulse quickened as his heart leapt up into his throat and his stomach coiled.

"Uh, I'll just…be on my way then, uh, thanks Zim," he choked out, attempting to scoot backwards away from the alien. "Not so fast, Dib-worm." Zim said, grasping the collar of Dib's coat, halting his escape. "Zim came all the way down here to haul your carcass up through a window and this is all the thanks I get? Ha!" He laughed maniacally for a minute, hacking and coughing near the end and having to duck into a nearby stall to vomit; he then stooped down to Dib's level. "I am not one to normally partake in your disgusting human holidays, but in the 'spirit of valentines day,' I figured you could thank me in another way." He whispered the last part into Dib's ear, causing the human to shudder and lose his balance, slipping on a puddle of what looked like urine and egg-white and he fell completely flat on his back.

When he came to, which couldn't have been more than five minutes later, the first thing his blurred vision saw was Zim looming directly above him, long tongue brushing against Dib's cheek. "Oh….god…..zim, fuck," He mumbled, still unsure of what was going on. Was zim, his boyhood crush, really doing this? Was this all a dream, induced from an OD on Godiva and shitty music from washed-up metal bands? Whatever it was, Dib didn't want it to end. "Fuck, hngh, zim, aah, hngh" He moaned, regaining just enough feeling in his abdomen to arch his back and bring his crotch up to meet zim's.

"hhhhhhhhhhhhnnghH yes." Zim moaned, extending his PAK legs to help force Dib against a feces-encrusted urinal. The alien used Dib's lingering paralysis from his fall to get him in the correct position; naked, almost translucent, bare white ass in the air, ready to receive the gift of long, throbbing, dripping alien meatcicle. Dib wasn't fighting back simply because he did not want to fight back; he had gone so long without Zim, god, he was going to thank zim for letting him in as only Dib could. The human had waited his whole life for this moment, and was not going to have it ruined by an over-zealous, unprepared alien. He muttered for Zim to hold on a minute, to which the alien replied with a long drawn-out sigh, and began to fish through his backpack and grabbed the closest tube of hand sanitizer he could snatch (school cafeteria food often left the unpleasant residue of grease on his various appendages). He passed strong-scented liquid to Zim, hoping that the alien would know what to do with it. Zim took the hint, squirting the substance into Dib's orifice like a dairy queen soft-serve. The alien was taking his sweet time, putting his alien wiener everywhere but Dib's anus, knowing that the human was growing impatient. "Jesus CHRIST, zim, put it in already!" "FAMOUS LAST WORDS" was the last thing Dib heard before his shrill screaming pierced the sound-proof bathroom.

Dib's ass felt the tangy freshness of purell dick. It was a tight fit; from what Dib could feel, the irken lovestick had at least the girth of a febreze air effects can, maybe larger, with nearly double the length. Zim rammed forth until he was up to the hilt. They both swore they could hear Dib's anus ripping in two, like a series of hair scrunchies snapping, stretched beyond their limit. Zim pulled nearly all the way out, rubbing more sanitizer on his cock before slamming it back into his human, shooting down his rectum with the force of a battering ram. Grunts and moans filled the moist air along with the scent of sex, sanitizer alcohol, and public restroom toilet seats. Dib braced himself harder against the urinal, not even caring that his pinky was being smeared into a glob of diarrhea. Zim tightened his iron grip on Dib's hips, every muscle in the tiny irken's body being geared towards ramming his dick into the to-be paranormal investigator. Zim's raven-black wig had long since fallen off, sensitive antenna brushing against Dib's back, taking in the feel of his mate's body. Dib gasped, his body was shaking uncontrollably; his entire body was on fire, heated by the passion between the two beings. He was losing it, the feeling of the foreign member penetrating him over and over and fucking OVER again was getting too much for him to handle.

"ZIM, I'm… I'm gonna, oh fuck, ZIM I'M SO CLOSE"

"SHUT THE FUCK UP YOU'RE RUINING IT"

Dib turned around so that his face was mere centimeters from Zim, who was still pounding furiously deep within the bowels of his colon. Panting, the human reached up to envelope the irken in a tender embrace, gently tugging on zim's lekku. "Oh no dib-human, don't you DARE touch my-AAH" Zim moaned at the touch, bucking hard and furiously. "HHGNJH FUCK," Dib screamed in agony and ecstasy, spilling yet another vile liquid onto the bathroom floor, a little catching on his four chest hairs. Zim came moments after, pints of alien spunk seeping from Dib's gaping butthole. It was true love.

Dib lay on the ground panting and heaving, oozing buckets of sweat and leaking buckets of cum. Zim flopped down on top of him, exhausted. "I…I…I…..I I love you, zim." Dib muttered between deep breaths, absentmindedly twirling zim's lekku with his free hand. "I think I love you too, dib-mate." Zim replied, purring at the antenna caresses.

Gaz came in with her cellphone out and pics were on facebook within the hour. Dib's dad disowned him.


End file.
